Visceral
by PaleGreySky
Summary: She couldn't say the same for others, but Avalyn was never afraid of him. She was afraid for him. [Matthew/OC] -oneshot- Matthew POV is up: Peripheral


**Inspired by: _Uma Thurman_ by Fall Out Boy**

 **This is the rewritten version of "Visceral" – I posted this two weeks ago but I took it down for revisions.**

 **All characters other than Avalyn belong to NBC Hannibal.**

 **since i never see any matthew/oc fics out there**

 _/_

 _visceral nervous system:_ n. a division of the nervous system that controls internal organs, involuntary responses, and reflexes, eg. heart rate, dilation of the pupils, fight-or-flight, and sexual arousal.

/

Her fingers stung in the winter cold, and she buried them into her fleece-lined pockets. The _scrape, scrape_ of her boots on concrete was all she heard as she walked over to the bus stop. A gust of wind blew up, and she shivered in her jacket as she ducked under the awning of the stop.

She tapped her foot nervously as she sat on the bus, anxious about her new job. Everything smelled of old sofas and recycled air, and she shifted, coughing. The driver glared at her for a moment through the tilted mirror on the ceiling, and then looked away.

She got off at the fifth stop to a quiet street corner, and, after pulling out her phone to check the directions, began walking down the sidewalk. Her eyes soon picked out, in the distance, a tall brick building complex that she recognized well enough from many pictures. The skeletal trees surrounding it cast the lawn in jagged shadows. Numerous barred windows glinted in the faint sunlight, making her squint. Even from far away, it looked forbidding. Avalyn swallowed nervously.

She was going to start her first day, as an intern, at the infamous Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane.

 _/_

She remembered when she first saw him, walking down the hallway towards her. There had always been a kind of confidence, a strangely powerful assertiveness in his stride. His eyes were dark green; she knew that much when she caught his gaze and he stared straight at her, a smirk curving onto his lips as his eyes flickered with amusement.

Dr. Frederick Chilton introduced him as Matthew Brown, a male orderly that had been working at the hospital for a few years now. He was handsome, his build seemingly slight under the white hospital uniform, but somehow she knew that he was powerful; athletic. Dangerous. He grinned lazily at her when she turned to look him, making her blush and duck her head back down.

She learned, soon, as she walked along the cold and empty hallways, that the hospital was currently short-staffed; not many wanted to work alongside the state's most dangerous persons. She hadn't either, but she had majored in psychology in university, and needed research to complete her thesis for her last year.

But maybe things would be okay. After this one year, she'd leave and never see the dismal place again.

If it weren't for one Matthew Brown, she would have left already.

 _/_

Avalyn whimpered his name in the darkness as he kissed her, moaned softly when he tugged on her hair and caressed her skin.

She woke up warm; covered, tangled in warmth and heat. She blinked slowly, feeling a hand moving up and down her back, stroking her gently. He paused suddenly, and then she felt him press his face into the crook of her neck, inhaling her scent. She shivered, and muscled, sinewy arms circled her body, pulling her closer. He felt like a furnace, something inside him hot, burning, his heat spreading along her skin and into her bones.

 _/_

There was darkness in his mind; Avalyn could easily see it. Matthew was intimidating, and sometimes the unutterable silence and stillness of his gaze was menacing. But when she woke up at night, terrifying dreams were chased away by his touch on her skin, and his voice in her ear. The lingering smell of smoke and musk that surrounded him calmed her.

She couldn't say the same for others, but Avalyn was never afraid of him.

She was afraid for him.

 _/_

She sipped at her coffee as she walked down the hallway towards the "caged" area, where she could see Matthew conversing quietly with Chilton. He straightened when he noticed her, and she waited patiently as Chilton finished talking to Matthew, handing him another file and then leaving.

"Hey. You ready for lunch?"

They walked out into the courtyard. The spring atmosphere was still a little cold, but Avalyn could see the buds of green decorating the scraggly trees. She and Matthew sat together on a border of cement around the tree in the center.

"I used to remember, when I was younger, my father would bring me into the woods and teach me how to identify birds," Matthew said, his calm voice hushed.

"See? Up there, on that branch on the left? That's a house finch. Its flanks are streaked with those brown stripes, and it's got a red-feathered upper body, so it's male. The bird next to it; that's a female one because it's pretty much the same, except the upper body is brown."

"Wow." Avalyn watched the two small birds in amazement as they hopped next to each other, making sweet warbling sounds. "I think they're very pretty, for such a common bird." When she turned to look at him, she found Matthew gazing back at her, a contented expression on his face.

He smiled faintly, seemingly distracted. "Yeah, they are."

 _/_

"I love you."

He had first said it half a year after they met. She didn't remember much save for the fact that she knew he was saying the truth, because he had looked so serious, and there was something…soft, something wonderfully irresistible in his eyes.

When she smiled, and said "I love you, too", it seemed as though everything that had been holding him back, the darkened past that had kept him from loving her, disappeared all at once. He smiled back at her, and then he leaned in and kissed her. Her heart nearly burst with happiness.

And, in that one inexplicable, wonderful, terrifying moment, as Matthew held her and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, as he kissed her with such gentle adoration and passionate, desperate love, she imagined that everything would be okay.

 _/_

Avalyn awakened slowly, blinking tiredly. Her body was curled against Matthew's chest under the blankets. It was early morning; the room was still dark but she could see a faint light coming from the blinds. Matthew was stroking her hair slowly, his fingers threading through strands, tugging lightly and then letting go. She yawned sleepily, and he paused, before brushing her hair to the side and beginning to pet the nape of her neck. A soft chuckle escaped him.

"Shh, finch. Go back to sleep."

She shivered a little, and he pulled the covers up just a bit. Another yawn escaped her, and Avalyn pressed herself closer against his body, listening to his heart beat solidly.

"I'll protect you. I'll keep you safe." Matthew seemed to almost be talking to himself now, his soothing, dry voice lulling her back into sleep.

"No one will hurt you."

 _/_

Her parents had had brought her to church every Sunday, had told her to say her prayers before meals and to ask for forgiveness for her sins. She had never really believed all of it, and was ashamed to say so, because now, something was happening, something was changing, and she could do nothing to help him.

She prayed for Matthew, prayed that he would live and that he would come out unscathed. She knew that he wasn't pure and untainted, but, selfishly, she wanted him to stay with her, simply because he made her feel loved, protected, and needed. She was addicted to, and comforted by the sound of his breathing, of the tenors of his voice, of how he smelled of musk and smoke, and how perfectly warm he was when he held her. When her brother had died a month ago, she had asked him not to leave. He had said nothing, but he held her, and she told herself that he was going to stay because he loved her.

 _/_

She sat across from Matthew at a small table just outside of their favorite coffee shop, her fingers drumming idly against the side of her mug. Avalyn was grateful that for some reason, silence between Matthew and her was never uncomfortable or awkward.

She had been staring at a couple across the street holding their newborn and cooing to the baby girl, a strangely light feeling in her chest, when she turned and saw Matthew staring at her. She laughed a little self-consciously.

"What're you looking at, Matthew?"

He coughed, seeming to realize that he'd been caught, and scratched at the back of his neck. "You look beautiful today, Avalyn," he murmured, a smile on his face.

She smiled at the genuine softness in his dark eyes. "Thank you. You don't look too bad, either."

They lapsed again into a comfortable quiet, when Matthew broke the silence. "You know I love you, right? That I would never… that I'd never do anything to hurt you?"

She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion at the sudden change. "Yeah…'course I do. Is something wrong, Matthew?"

She knew the answer to her question before he answered it, but it still left a hollow ache in her chest that he wouldn't tell her. "No, nothing. It's okay. I'm taking care of it."

Avalyn said nothing, but as she looked to the side, she closed her eyes and tried not to cry.

 _/_

Avalyn,

She knew something was wrong when Matthew stayed silent on the way home, his gaze oddly distant, stormy.

I'll be gone when you wake up.

Knew something was wrong when Matthew left the house late at night, for it was cold when she woke up, with a note on the bed.

I'm sorry it had to end this way.

Knew something was wrong when she tried to call him and found that his cellphone had been disconnected.

Don't wait for me.

Knew something was wrong when a night and half a day had passed and he still wasn't home.

I might not be able to see you again, little finch.

Knew something was wrong when she woke up, disoriented, from waiting for him on the living room couch, and saw the blinding flash of red-and-blue lights on the shadowy walls.

 _I love you._

Halfway through the interrogation, she started crying silently, tears rolling down her cheeks. Her hands shook in her lap and she twisted her fingers hard enough to hurt, if only to feel something. Everything seemed too loud, too bright, too sharp and too cold. She didn't understand what was going on, but at the same time she knew perfectly well what had happened.

"Miss Tyler, what was your relationship with your coworker Matthew Brown?"

She whispered, almost too faint to hear, "I loved him."

 _And I still do._

 _/_


End file.
